The End (?) of Supernova

Hello guys. Today I just finish read Inteligensi Embun Pagi. It was insane! Dee Lestari is definitly not a human. She came from another dimension, period.

I already write this little review on Twitter, but let me put this too on my blog because it’s a waste to let my emotions to this amazing book drown and disapeared by another tweets. This is lowkey spoiler-safe so don’t worry if you haven’t read IEP.

Dee managed to create her own universe in this book 6 that all related from book 1 to 5. All of the characters mysteries were solved. The most special about this book is that we were given a room to question many things as we get answers to our questions at the same time. Infiltran, Peretas, Umbra & Sarvara. We will be familiar with the four words above in this book. Who are they? Infiltran is a keeper for Peretas to be safe from the reach of the Sarvara. Peretas are all those 6 characters who will be met here in this book (I can believe they’re all actually met!)

Who actually Gio is? What happen to Bodhi when he met Elektra? How Ferre, Dimas and Ruben related to another Peretas in their group? That's a few questions in my head before. Anyway, remember Kell in book 5? He returned! And I almost suspected that he's one of the Sarvara. I was wrong. Instead he became one of my favorite Infiltran, lol. Crazy guy! We will also know who actually Isthar is. She's the same women who Alfa crazily in love with and also who Bodhi met in Bangkok, named Star. Turns out her role is quite important.

Full of plot twists! The part where the character was a protagonist in the previous book will give you surprises here. Trio Sarvara ugh I want to fight them! But the most powerful among all of these Peretas is Bodhi, the traveler who wants to discover his true identity, he's the Peretas Kisi. Alfa and Gio? These two are the most charming and maybe many readers falling in love with them. They're handsome and suprisingly strong.

I wasn’t there when the hype of this book was high and Twitter had a #TeamAlfa #TeamBodhi #TeamZarah #TeamElektra #TeamGio hashtag party. But if you ask me, I'm definitly #TeamElektra, an orphan girl who has a miserable yet funny life. Her body can conduct electricity. That's her skill lol. In this book she's managed to make readers upset because SHE. BURN. ASKO! Also how weak her character compared to the other Supernovas. Her clumsyness increased to the max, adorable! But who would've thought she's the key of the Peretas' victory in the battle against Sarvara.

Supernova made me delusional. I once dream about hanging out in Asko. Also, I think among us there are Infiltran, Peretas and Sarvara. But each of us wrapped with the name of the human body and skin. Isn't it interesting? Thank you Dee Lestari, our Ibu Suri, for this amazing story. 6 books, 15 years. Such an amazing journey with Supernova. Genius storyline and each characters gave unforgetable memories to us, the readers. Is this the end of Supernova? Well... Let's see.

p.s: My favorite part, Kell reunited with Bodhi. I can't with these two, lol.

Hello 2017

Hello, it’s me. It’s been a long time. Honestly, I don’t know what to write here, I don’t know what to tell, hell I don’t even know what’s going on with my life lol kidding, I just can’t catch them all even with just writing in my diary. Anyway start from now, I’ve decided to write here mostly in English. Except if I want to post a poem or else which will more beautifully writen and told in Bahasa. I feel like when I write in English, I could express my thoughts more freely rather than in Bahasa (I didn’t direspect my national language btw). Hopefully I could be more honest to express my feelings start from now.

It’s too late to write a year end/welcoming note, but it’s better late than never, right? I moved back to my house after graduation last month, so I spent new year eve with my parents and my sister. It was such a warm and happy moment in my life, ever. Because we rarely spent quality time together since I went to college in Malang. So I could say that 2017 was started well. Let’s see. 2016 for me so far, I graduated from college, finally! I could reach my target to graduate in 4 years, now here I am, Febiola Aditya Yusuf, S.I.Kom. My 2016 was like hell because of skripsi. I won’t tell how hard it was, because yeah it was TOTALLY hard. But I’ve spent a great time once I did my research and met a lot of new people because it was about entertainment education in non-formal school. It called Sekolah Kita Rumpin (SKR) in Desa Sukamulya, Kecamatan Rumpin, Kabupaten Bogor. I’ve known SKR in 2013 when I did a blogwalking. SKR catched my attention back then because its background of how it formed. In 2007, there was a land dispute conflict between the residents of Rumpin and TNI AU Atang Sendjaya. This conflict is still going on until now in a cold way, because they haven’t found a deal who’s the owner of the land. This conflict indirectly affect the feasibility of shelter and psychological condition of the residents, especially the children. Thus in 2012 SKR established by Ana Agustina, Rara Sekar (Banda Neira) and Bu Neneng one of the residents there. So that the children had a pleasant learning in addition to formal school every Sunday. I am amazed by the voluteers (all of 'kakak-kakak pengajar') who are willing to take their time every Sunday at 10 am going through a hard journey to Rumpin. Mbak Ana was very nice to me, I met Mbak Hanna too as she’s the head of SKR now, she’s super duper kind and loud haha. The other voluteers are very nice to me too. Importantly, the children. They’re so passionate, smart and funny, Just in 2 days, I got close with one of them, Eha, she’s so sweet and pretty. She’s in her 2nd grade of high school now, we exchanged our number so she can 'curhat' to me anytime hahaha.

The struggle to reached SKR.

But it's worth it.

In 2016, during my skripsi process I’ve lost a lot of weight (I almost only eat once a day), ‘what is sleep?’, and stressed a lot. But, I’ve found something else which made me happy and being my stress reliever during the depressing times. Just like everyone, I enjoy listening music A LOT. I would die if I don’t listen to a song for a day, seriously. I listen to various genre and artist. One day, I don’t remember exactly but it was between February-March 2016, I’ve found Winner. They’re a kpop group consisted of 5 members. I fall in love with their music and personalities, their stories and hardwork to achieve their dreams, their sincerity, and their meaningful lyrics. I guess you think a kpop group is where a bunch of plastic faced boys/girls dancing and lypsinc to a generic and typical song? (Well, I used to think like this, I regret lol) Nope, Winner is not that kind of groups. Their music heals me last year. When I was down and had a hard time, I played their songs & videos, watch their interviews & reality shows, also I escaped to twitter and meet Inner Circle (Winner’s fandom name).

There is one member, his name is Nam Taehyun, idk but when I saw him for the first time in one of their video, I know I’m going to love him so much. Here I could say that Emily Brontë’s words matched my feelings towards him so well:

“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

He’s not handsome but his aura is out of this world, he's cool and has a very deep thoughts about life, his mind likes to wander and lost in a beautiful way, he can play a lot of instruments, his voice is soothing and pleased everyone ears, he’s a genius music producer and lyricist, he loves art, he can paint, he introduced his fans to a lot of new things like movies, musics, art, etc. And there are still many things he can do. Sadly, he left Winner in 25 November 2016 because he’s suffering from mental illness. My heart broke that time. I want to say a lot about him and Winner so I will make several posts separatedly about them later.

I can tell that my 2016 was saved because of Winner, this group made me feel a rollercoaster of emotion, believe me, stanning them is so hard but making me happy at the same time. I also met and being friends with a lot of beautiful and super kind people around the world because of Winner. I improved my writing ability in English because I talked with them in English most of the time. I learn a lot about diversity, humanity, culture, new interests and much more last year. Liking a kpop groups is not all about fangirling about their faces. Especially from Winner, I got more than that.

Hmmm, what else? Resolutions. I don’t have a certain list for it. This year, I simply want to get a job. A job that I really love doing it, so I won’t feel a burden when I wake up everyday. A job that could make my parents proud and the salary is enough to at least covered my needs and my sister’s school needs. I want to live my life to the fullest, doing what makes me happy and keep convincing myself that it’s okay not to pleased everyone. Last but not least, I wish I’ll meet my other half. This is just like a side wish actually, it’s okay if this one couldn’t happen this year. That’s it.

2017, please, please, please, be nice for me. Okay?

Happy (late) New Year, everyone!

January 16th, 2017

Memasuki Dua Puluh Satu

25 Agustus 2015

Dulu saya pernah pikir bahwa saya bakal bisa ngelakuin sesuatu yang besar sebelum umur saya memasuki 20. Namun setelah saat itu datang, saya membuat excuse bahwa hectic nya segala urusan akademis demi menyandang gelar S.Ikom membuat saya wajar tidak mampu memenuhi harapan saya itu. Nyatanya tidak. Setelah memasuki 21 tahun ini saya baru sadar bahwa yang menghambat saya melakukan suatu hal besar adalah rasa malas dan takut. Saya malas untuk memulai dan saya takut mengambil tindakan. Ternyata saya terjebak dalam zona aman, seperti kebanyakan orang saya hanya bisa melihat orang lain seumuran saya telah melakukan banyak hal besar baik untuk dirinya sendiri dan orang lain. Mereka berlari jauh sementara saya hanya diam di tempat, mengayuh sepeda yang rantainya telah lepas. Saya nggak kemana-mana.

Lalu saya bertanya, hal besar apa sih yang begitu gilanya ingin saya raih? Sampai hari-hari saya dipenuhi rasa khawatir, saya sudah umur segini, tidak bisa begini saja, saya rasa saya sangat tidak produktif, kenapa saya diam saja. Begitulah yang ada di pikiran saya setiap hari. Semua itu berujung pada satu ketakutan, saya takut orangtua saya tidak memiliki suatu apapun untuk dibanggakan dari diri saya.

Iya, saya takut kalau hal itu terjadi.

Saya hidup dalam bayangan masa lalu dimana saya harus membuktikan bahwa nanti saya akan sukses ditengah keterbatasan yang sangat susah saya jelaskan dalam tulisan ini. Intinya, ada satu titik dimana saya harus membuktikan ke orang-orang tertentu yang bahkan jika saya ungkapkan nggak akan ada yang percaya bahwa saya memiliki ‘dendam’ sebegitunya terhadap orang-orang tersebut.

Sekarang saya harus melapangkan dada, melakukan sedikit demi sedikit hal berdasarkan prioritas. Saya masih harus berjuang kurang lebih satu tahun lagi agar lulus tepat waktu, masih harus melewati tikungan tajam bernama skripsi. Doa saya di usia ke 21 ini adalah agar satu-satunya penolong, Allah SWT memberikan kemudahan dalam proses melewati tikungan tajam tersebut serta memberikan kekuatan lebih untuk membebaskan diri dari ketakutan-ketakutan yang malah membuat nggak bisa melakukan apa-apa.  Itu saja.

Aamiin.

Ohiya, ulang tahun kali ini saya lewati di kantor tempat magang bersama orang-orang baik yang diberikan Allah SWT untuk membuat saya tersenyum. Mereka ymembuat saya semangat menjalani masa magang yang menjadi salah satu tikungan sebelum skripsi. Saya dihujani doa-doa baik dari keluarga, teman dan sahabat yang sangat saya syukuri keberadaannya di muka bumi ini, setiap tahunnya. Saya diberikan kemudahan oleh Allah SWT dalam segala hal. Untuk itu nggak ada hal lain yang harus saya lakukan selain bersyukur sebanyak-banyaknya, tak pernah berhenti berdoa dan berusaha. Saya sangat bersyukur telah terlahir.

21 tahun ini semoga bermakna.

May One of Those Times Come

May one of those times come, when someone asks me if I’m okay or not.

“I am not” would definitly out from my mouth, without fear, without tear.

May one of those days come, in 86.400 seconds a day in their life.

They’d see me, even a glimpse of their sight, even for one second might.

(Malang, 20 September 2015)

Chairil Anwar

Teruntuk,

(Alm. Chairil Anwar)

Sore binatang jalang. Aku membayangkan menulis surat ini pada tanggal 28 April 1949, sehari sebelum kematianmu. Entah supaya apa, mungkin biar kelihatan keren saja. Seorang yang menggemari puisi-puisimu dengan gila, menulis surat tepat sehari sebelum kematianmu. Membayangkan aku memiliki insting seorang penggemar hardcore.

Abang Chairil, tak apalah aku memanggilmu begini. Kalau aku sudah lahir waktu itu (read: 1922) pun mungkin aku akan memanggilmu begitu. Kita terlahir di Medan, kota yang sama, namun di masa yang berbeda. Aku ingin menyampaikan dua harapan dalam surat ini. Pertama adalah, aku ingin di dunia paralel sana kita bertemu dalam keadaan apapun, aku ingin menjadi saksi atas kelahiran puisi-puisimu, tentang apa saja yang menginspirasi dan apa saja yang sedang terjadi. Kedua adalah, aku berharap bisa sedikit saja punya otak sehebat kau bang, hebat membuat puisi. Cukup dalam inginku sehebat itu. Agar kau tau saja bang, sekarang ini, orang hebat itu cuma yang lolos penilaian satu juri, padahal standar yang dipakai itu pande-pandean, dibikin-bikin sendiri. Tidak jarang kami khilaf melupakan kalau mata juri bukannya banyak, sama-sama cuma dua. Masih akan ada banyak mata lagi yang menganggap kami hebat dengan cara sendiri-sendiri. Sama, seperti aku memandangmu bang.

Surat ini adalah tentang nostalgia. Begini, dari semalam tiba-tiba aku mengingat seorang anak kelas dua SMP yang menulis puisi pertamanya karenamu bang, dia yang jadi paham setelah membaca sebuah puisi berjudul Derai-derai Cemara kala itu bahwa sebuah depresi bisa menjelma puisi, ia tersenyum lebar saat menemukan angin sejuk bersemilir dalam hatinya hanya karena membaca sebuah puisi. Ia menemukan hasratnya pada puisi. Persetan dengan apa yang dikatakan orang-orang tentang cengengnya penulis puisi, tentang melankolisnya penulis puisi. Ia berjanji dalam hatinya akan terus menulis puisi. Ia pun tak peduli dengan kemampuan orang lain yang meremehkan dan mengatakan apa yang ia buat tak punya isi. Biar, katanya. Toh ia memang tak pintar, tak punya otak cukup cerdas untuk merangkai kata-kata dengan keindahan selangit, dengan pengetahuan tingkat dewa. Biar, katanya. Ia akan terus menulis puisi. Dengan kata-kata sesederhana yang ia mampu, sesederhana inginnya, agar apa yang ia rasa, setidaknya menjelma jadi puisi, hasrat yang menyejukkan hatinya. Terima kasih karena telah menjadi inspirasi buat anak itu (dan akan terus).

Derai-derai Cemara

Cemara menderai sampai jauh

terasa hari akan jadi malam

ada beberapa dahan di tingkap merapuh

dipukul angin yang terpendam

Aku sekarang orangnya bisa tahan

sudah berapa waktu bukan kanak lagi

tapi dulu memang ada suatu bahan

yang bukan dasar perhitungan kini

Hidup hanya menunda kekalahan

tambah terasing dari cinta sekolah rendah

dan tahu, ada yang tetap tidak terucapkan

sebelum pada akhirnya kita menyerah

1949

Salam,

..........

p.s: (Derai-derai Cemara adalah puisi terfavoritku sepanjang masa. Kau tau bang, anak itu sebenarnya aku. Haha. Cuma tidak berani saja aku membilangkannya di awal.)