Hello 2017

Hello, it’s me. It’s been a long time. Honestly, I don’t know what to write here, I don’t know what to tell, hell I don’t even know what’s going on with my life lol kidding, I just can’t catch them all even with just writing in my diary. Anyway start from now, I’ve decided to write here mostly in English. Except if I want to post a poem or else which will more beautifully writen and told in Bahasa. I feel like when I write in English, I could express my thoughts more freely rather than in Bahasa (I didn’t direspect my national language btw). Hopefully I could be more honest to express my feelings start from now.

It’s too late to write a year end/welcoming note, but it’s better late than never, right? I moved back to my house after graduation last month, so I spent new year eve with my parents and my sister. It was such a warm and happy moment in my life, ever. Because we rarely spent quality time together since I went to college in Malang. So I could say that 2017 was started well. Let’s see. 2016 for me so far, I graduated from college, finally! I could reach my target to graduate in 4 years, now here I am, Febiola Aditya Yusuf, S.I.Kom. My 2016 was like hell because of skripsi. I won’t tell how hard it was, because yeah it was TOTALLY hard. But I’ve spent a great time once I did my research and met a lot of new people because it was about entertainment education in non-formal school. It called Sekolah Kita Rumpin (SKR) in Desa Sukamulya, Kecamatan Rumpin, Kabupaten Bogor. I’ve known SKR in 2013 when I did a blogwalking. SKR catched my attention back then because its background of how it formed. In 2007, there was a land dispute conflict between the residents of Rumpin and TNI AU Atang Sendjaya. This conflict is still going on until now in a cold way, because they haven’t found a deal who’s the owner of the land. This conflict indirectly affect the feasibility of shelter and psychological condition of the residents, especially the children. Thus in 2012 SKR established by Ana Agustina, Rara Sekar (Banda Neira) and Bu Neneng one of the residents there. So that the children had a pleasant learning in addition to formal school every Sunday. I am amazed by the voluteers (all of 'kakak-kakak pengajar') who are willing to take their time every Sunday at 10 am going through a hard journey to Rumpin. Mbak Ana was very nice to me, I met Mbak Hanna too as she’s the head of SKR now, she’s super duper kind and loud haha. The other voluteers are very nice to me too. Importantly, the children. They’re so passionate, smart and funny, Just in 2 days, I got close with one of them, Eha, she’s so sweet and pretty. She’s in her 2nd grade of high school now, we exchanged our number so she can 'curhat' to me anytime hahaha.

The struggle to reached SKR.

But it's worth it.

In 2016, during my skripsi process I’ve lost a lot of weight (I almost only eat once a day), ‘what is sleep?’, and stressed a lot. But, I’ve found something else which made me happy and being my stress reliever during the depressing times. Just like everyone, I enjoy listening music A LOT. I would die if I don’t listen to a song for a day, seriously. I listen to various genre and artist. One day, I don’t remember exactly but it was between February-March 2016, I’ve found Winner. They’re a kpop group consisted of 5 members. I fall in love with their music and personalities, their stories and hardwork to achieve their dreams, their sincerity, and their meaningful lyrics. I guess you think a kpop group is where a bunch of plastic faced boys/girls dancing and lypsinc to a generic and typical song? (Well, I used to think like this, I regret lol) Nope, Winner is not that kind of groups. Their music heals me last year. When I was down and had a hard time, I played their songs & videos, watch their interviews & reality shows, also I escaped to twitter and meet Inner Circle (Winner’s fandom name).

There is one member, his name is Nam Taehyun, idk but when I saw him for the first time in one of their video, I know I’m going to love him so much. Here I could say that Emily Brontë’s words matched my feelings towards him so well:

“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

He’s not handsome but his aura is out of this world, he's cool and has a very deep thoughts about life, his mind likes to wander and lost in a beautiful way, he can play a lot of instruments, his voice is soothing and pleased everyone ears, he’s a genius music producer and lyricist, he loves art, he can paint, he introduced his fans to a lot of new things like movies, musics, art, etc. And there are still many things he can do. Sadly, he left Winner in 25 November 2016 because he’s suffering from mental illness. My heart broke that time. I want to say a lot about him and Winner so I will make several posts separatedly about them later.

I can tell that my 2016 was saved because of Winner, this group made me feel a rollercoaster of emotion, believe me, stanning them is so hard but making me happy at the same time. I also met and being friends with a lot of beautiful and super kind people around the world because of Winner. I improved my writing ability in English because I talked with them in English most of the time. I learn a lot about diversity, humanity, culture, new interests and much more last year. Liking a kpop groups is not all about fangirling about their faces. Especially from Winner, I got more than that.

Hmmm, what else? Resolutions. I don’t have a certain list for it. This year, I simply want to get a job. A job that I really love doing it, so I won’t feel a burden when I wake up everyday. A job that could make my parents proud and the salary is enough to at least covered my needs and my sister’s school needs. I want to live my life to the fullest, doing what makes me happy and keep convincing myself that it’s okay not to pleased everyone. Last but not least, I wish I’ll meet my other half. This is just like a side wish actually, it’s okay if this one couldn’t happen this year. That’s it.

2017, please, please, please, be nice for me. Okay?

Happy (late) New Year, everyone!

January 16th, 2017